Cat Polling To Replace Traditional Political Polling

 

By Brian Singh

After a host of polling issues in the 2012 elections, today there is a real option in more accurate public opinion research. Cat polling. But not only cats. All pets.

With remarkably low response rates to telephone and online panel surveys at this time, Canadian polling & market research agency Zinc Tank is pleased to announce the launch of its Pet Electoral Tracking Study (PETS).

With approximately 80 million pets (2012) in the United States, it’s no surprise that owner’s love to speak on behalf of their cats and dogs. The Zinc Tank research team has tapped into this passion and developed the proprietary neuroscience technique Anthro Linguistic Projective Organization (ALPO). This has led to remarkably incredible response rates and more representative data than has been seen for years. Zinc Tank found that cat surveys are highly accurate because cats are highly random – a 1,000 cat poll is by definition a “random” sample. Such a sample constitutes a herd, and “herd” is the new listening – the successor to social media monitoring.

“We have found that owners considered their pets politically engaged and accurately reflect the opinion of the household,” stated Chief Methodologist, Brian F. Singh. “An intriguing finding was that grey cats tended to vote Republican, while black & white short hairs leaned Democrat. Siamese were almost exclusively Independent.”

“As a critic of all traditional polling methods, we feel that cats and dogs opinions best represent the state of party preference and performance of leaders. PETS is proven out-of-the-litter box thinking. With its success, and US Census Bureau’s cat census notoriously out of date, we are in discussion with Google to develop “Google Cat,” to help calibrate their insights algorithms.”

President Obama’s dogs, Bo and Sunny, were unavailable for comment. But rumor has it they are independent voters.

I think we can all look forward to PETS playing a key role in the 2014 mid-term and 2016 election cycles.

We’ll be showcasing this amazing new innovation at the 1st ever IIeX Animal Innovation Forum in collaboration with the ASPCA and American Kennel Club at our event in Atlanta in June.  Stay tuned for more details!

 

 

*Note: This is an April Fool’s prank. With the exception of the opening statement, none of this is true. Polling is an important part of living in a democracy, but we can also have some fun at its expense. We hope that this parody made your day a little more entertaining. No animals were hurt in the preparation of this news release.